Tangier, Morocco: European ambiance, African chaos

“Upon arrival in Tangier, most travel guides advise you to make immediate plans to leave, if you haven’t already. They are right: Tangier is a first-degree shithole.”

A book called 101 places not to visit catches my eye in the library of Pärnu, according to its cover “your essential guide to the world’s most miserable, ugly, boring and inbred destinations.” The book promises to teach you how to spot biological hazards and radioactivity and how to avoid marriage to locals desperate to escape.

Because we haven’t returned from Morocco very long ago, I quickly browse to the pages about Africa. In addition to the above sentence, this anti-travel guide knows that Tangier is “culturally as interesting as a service station, minus the handy plastic and the kitchen roll dispensers.”

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Chefchaouen, Morocco: wet dream of every Instagram whore

The Asian-American flashpacker marvels at what he sees from the window. He looks astounded. “Hmm, the men seemingly dress like in Iran, in long trousers and with shoes.”

His gaze goes down towards his own outfit — shorts and flip-flops. Just minutes ago, he was bragging about the “dangerous” countries he had already visited on this trip – Iran! Jordan! Muslims! – but now he does not realise that Morocco is also a Muslim country.

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Hiking in the Atlas Mountains in Morocco: Let the Wild Rumpus Start!

You can say a lot about Estonia (1), but not that it’s a mountainous country.

Okay, Lasnamäe was built on a plateau of limestone and extreme euphemists – the type of people who’d say that Donald Trump is one sandwich short of a picnic – call the region around Karksi-Nuia and Otepää ‘the Switzerland of the Baltics’. Let’s say they’ve never been in a hundred-kilometre radius of the Alps. But even with those terms in mind, you won’t need to pack climbing irons for the highest mountain molehill in the country. Not even now that it got a few metres higher. What did you expect from a landscape pimple with the name of Big Egg Mountain? And yes, there’s also a Small Egg Mountain. Reinhold Messner already calls for his mother.

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